Show notes
Author Stephen Mills survived childhood sexual abuse, then spent decades confronting his abuser and the institutions that stayed silent.
What does it take for one survivor of childhood sexual abuse to do the work that law enforcement wouldn't? In this episode of You're Not Alone, the 1in6 podcast, author Stephen Mills sits down with hosts Anthony Edwards, actor and chairman of 1in6, and co-host Beau Friedlander to walk through an almost unbelievable journey of survival, investigation, and the fight against institutional complicity in male sexual abuse.
Stephen, whose memoir Chosen: A Memoir of Stolen Boyhood has become a touchstone for the male survivor community, was abused by the director of his summer camp as a boy. Years later, still bound by what he and Anthony describe as a trauma bond to the man who hurt him, he took a job working for that same perpetrator, and saw the truth he'd buried come rushing back. That moment set him on a path of finding other survivors, gathering a box of evidence, and going to the FBI, only to watch the case quietly disappear as a respected community institution chose its reputation over its children.
This is a conversation about healing from childhood trauma and the long, non-linear road of recovery, but it's also about systems. Stephen, Anthony, and Beau examine the "code of silence" that binds perpetrators, survivors, and institutions in a shared interest to keep abuse hidden, how predators groom entire communities, and why so many men spend their lives believing they were the only one. Beau shares his own painful story of staying silent, and the hosts gently unpack the fear and shame that keep male survivors of childhood sexual abuse from speaking up.
More than thirty years after he first packed that box of evidence away, New York's Child Victims Act gave Stephen a window to file suit. His message for the millions of men carrying this alone is clear: a civil case is only one path, and you don't have to be in court to make change, but no survivor has to stay silent or alone. This is male sexual abuse recovery as a fight worth joining, and a reminder that breaking the silence is where it begins.
In this episode:
- How trauma bonding keeps a survivor tied to the person who abused them
- Going to work for the perpetrator, and the lightning-bolt moment the truth broke through
- Becoming "his own FBI": finding other survivors and gathering evidence
- Institutional complicity, "passing the trash," and the shared code of silence
- The Child Victims Act, filing suit, and why accountability drives change
- What prevention and "see something, say something" really mean in youth-serving organizations
Content note: This episode discusses childhood sexual abuse and its effects, including mentions of a suicide attempt and addiction. It contains no graphic descriptions. Please listen with care.
You are not alone. 1 in 6 men have had an unwanted or abusive sexual experience. Free, confidential support is available 24/7 through the 1in6 Helpline and online support groups at 1in6.org.
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You don't have to sit with it alone.
1in6 offers free, confidential online support groups, and RAINN's hotline is available around the clock.